i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
