you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
pray to the hookup gods
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
