yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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