Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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