I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
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