i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
