Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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