...so i touched it.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
