you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
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She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
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if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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