he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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