careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
