And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I got inside last night via doggy door
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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