this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
