Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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