Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
