I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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