just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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