Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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