You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
