sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
This toilet bowl is my home.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
