im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
