the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
