I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He passed out mid-signature
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
