And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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