He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
