eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
