happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
