They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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