Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
