I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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