You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize