I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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