so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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