I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
