Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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