I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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