I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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