only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize