After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
