speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
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I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
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Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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