epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
