I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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