hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
