the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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