If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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