It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
