I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
