people are starting to question the shark bite story
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
