I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
