btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
