It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
