God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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