I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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