Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
hotel room ftw
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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