What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
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The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
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whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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