I'm lost and stupid without you.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize