I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
