Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
