Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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