if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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