Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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