I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
